Sexxualchoclate's Blog

here now…

sexxualchoclate — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 07:35:40 +0000

im sitting here tears roll down my cheeck

mind clouded im on a mountain peak

ready to fall and let life take its next turn

so lost when will i finally learn

theres no one that cares no one that can see

im empty now so theres nothing left but me

a heartless body that wanders…

it walks and ponders…

im falling so fast

it hits me

and im here know

lost

heartless

souless

empty

here now

whats good vanc0uver?

sexxualchoclate — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 07:08:56 +0000

well today was a pretty decent day seeing as i fixed a lot of things aswell as myself..my school shit i have to deal within the morning since schools are off on sundays so today i had a lot of things going on for me and me and my gf fixed things in the manner of speaking things out and she pretty much told me that no matter what know that she wont turn her back on me and walk away she took the time and took a break from me which pissed the shit out of me because i couldnt seem to understand what was going on even after she explained to me in detail a lot of what she said didnt make quiet sense to me maybe because i dont understand but im no sure but for whatever reason we finally fixed the things that were going on but obviously theres more to a realationship then just saying you love someone…as a good freind of hers told me today..understand..compromise..and trust…which totally makes sense because if you dont trust yourself what a relationship without it..theres really no point if you dont trust someone if you cant trust yourself..compromise..in every realationship ppl make compromises whether its for your benefit or not either way you both let things go or agree to disagree to fix things or to come to a point where everything comes to a stand still and works out for a healthy relationship… and understand…you have to think things through before you say or do them because actions and everything in between make all the difference seeing that if you dont understand where someone else is coming from you will run into problems as well as trouble if you dont…well i will stick to these 3 key things as well as my personal ways and see how things go because i feel i should better the way i am not only for myself but for my gf and everyone around me.

never been in love before…

sexxualchoclate — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 08:29:26 +0000

know i know what real love feel like when you cant feel your fingers and the go numb and it feels like your going to pass out from the happiness that you have but the funny thing is you only realize these things when you lose it because they say you never appreciate something until its gone and when that some one is gone then you realize how you feel and the things you would do just cause you know what love is you’ll brleive lies, you’ll avoid the truth when its right ifront of you, you let anything cloud your judgement no matter how slight of a thought it is or hoe bad the outcome is…that love and the funny thing is no matter how much you love someone its not always good enough because realationships arent just about kisssing hugging and making up they all have structers and compromises and since shes been gone all this has just fell on my shoulders and this weight on my shoulders jsut wont stop giving me pain cause the burden of my mistakes hurt..and it hurts so bad that you feel like your going to lose your mind but you cant do that because you care for your well being and you cant ruin that not for nothing so what are you suppose to do when your lost and confused and have nowhere to run because where you rrun to isnt there anymore and that pladce might not come back..

what to do…

sexxualchoclate — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 08:20:19 +0000

what do you do when you want something so bad and if you cant have it youd rather die… and the thought of losing that something kills you inside it burns your insides…and when that something feels like its not close to working for you it hurts you to the point your on your knees slowly falling..and now while teardrops fall from the heavans on to you face while the skies cry becaus ethey can see the pain in your eyes and eveything is against all odds for you what do you do…what do you do

getting your life back on track…maybe…

sexxualchoclate — Fri, 29 May 2009 23:17:49 +0000

as everyone know that life has its tough times and its good times..right? ill leave that thought to you while i write out some of my stories and thoughts. my life isnt great…to tell you the truth it really sucks right now not everythings going great with my life goals, or my family, or even my realtionship status… as far as my life goals go im going to school to become a graphic designer but that isnt going all too well since i cant prioritize my shit right and also since ive been given and advanced class that they thought would be easy for me turns out that i dont know shit in that class aswell as that two of my classes that i had last semester i have them again..to tell the truth me and my teachers dont get along very well since my tardiness and the way i am doesnt seem to please anybody…but i have freinds for that right? wrong dont really have any to tell you the truth not anymore after i either sold them out for my gf or that im not always availble to chill because of homework. and then they have the right to sit there and tell me that the person i love most in the world that i would die for and want to spend of my life with..that shes not good enough because she puts me through a lot…hhhhh yea okayy….freinds yeah right and tell me that they dont really like her and they only put up with her for me well atleast since i dont have that anymore i have the love of my life right?….nope you guessed it once again me and her have been bickering like crazy and i dont really feel like we get along since her parents dont like me and tell her that she shouldnt be with me well one her dad doesnt like me because im a different race and secondly her mom thinks im too immature and not good enough….her brother hes cool but i dont think he likes me that much seeing that his sister is always crying or upset because something ive done and ive said and her younger sister doesnt really like me because shes fake in everyway possible although she means well but she doesnt like to think things through before she says them or does them and her freinds are constantly telling her to leave me because she never deals with this much shit for a guy i can go on for hours for the reasons that ppl say that she shouldnt be with me…well that makes my life so much easier because meeting everybody that she knows and knowing that they already dislike me…its harsh but i deal with it because i love her with my mind body and soul and words couldnt begin to express the shit that i would do for this girl…anyways…continuing on to my family as far as everything goes at home…not close to ok.. it sucks knowing that you have to walk through your front door with already a tired stressed out day full of homework and drama just to come home to another bitching about anything and everything that you’re either not doing or havent done i hate it me and my mom dont even talk, look, or even breath in the same room we never make eye contact or anything close to a talking realtionship so technically looking at everything i see that life sucks and its not close to anywhere okay. dont get me wrong im not a negative person and i know that contradicts everything i say but most is frustration but all is the truth i hate the way everythings going in my life and i wish i could leav this world and never come back i dunt beleive that there is a god because if the god is so might powerful and loving he puts us on this earth to suffer and go through obstacles. are we some kind of lab rats that all these experiments are run on..the government doesnt give a shit about anybody except what mostly benifits them..and what makes them appear as there amazing…i guess we can call them amazing magicians. sorry i know kindd of a sidetrack but its all bushit and someboddy once told me the answer to life…the best answer you’ll ever get..and the only answer that makes total sense….that answer is….“you dont know shit, you never will because life is something in which we will soar above the clouds nor will we ever be completly happy without the smallest insecurity or problem” there you have it folks the life to answer so know it breath it and dont forget it because thats the only answer you will get thats even close to making sense because we all know that there is no answer to life….

what are you suppose to do…

sexxualchoclate — Fri, 29 May 2009 21:40:30 +0000

what are you suppose to do when you feel so helpless and lost…so confused and dazed..when nothing ever seems to go your way. when shit just adds up and your so frustrated and need someone to talk to when theres no one to listen. i wouldnt no because thats the postion that ive been in my whole life and now that i THOUGHT someone would be there my whole life and felt so complete. felt free like you can talk to that someone because they are there when you need them and they will be there for your whole life so no matter what happened and what went wrong that there would be someone there to just hear you out and tell you that no matter what happened that they would be there regardless of what you have done and what situation that you are in. sounds too good to be true right? thats what i thought but then that special someone shows you the word. showed you that there was a new way to live. showed you things that youve never seen before and showed you that theres different options and different things to do when shit comes up so you deal with it in a proper manner….huh…..yeah fucking right life sucks and shit never works for anyone most ppl live their whole lives in denial. just like me and put a smile on your face so that person or the people around you no that shits all good.fuck that life sucks get used to it and no it. just cause good shit happens to you and no matter how perfect ppl think their lives are….nope never gunna happen so stop living in denial and realize that life sucks balls because youll never have anything your way…maybe for a moment but your life will never be full of good things and if this is the case id like to know because if ppl say that there life is perfect and dandy….and tell me about it….i will rip somebody a new one so try me….

lexicon week 6

sexxualchoclate — Fri, 29 May 2009 07:04:42 +0000

Flaming - Flaming refers to any type of verbal aggressive behaviour between users of the internet.
Encryption – The conversion of data into a form, called a ciphertext, that cannot be easily understood by unauthorized people. The translation of data into a secret code; most effective way to achieve data security.
Firewall – The term “firewall” originally referred to fireproof walls that were designed to prevent the spread of fire from one room or building to the next. They were typically made of brick, steel, or another type of inflammable material that would effectively limit the spread of the fire. In the IT world, firewalls do not involve any fire or pyrotechnics, but they serve a similar purpose. A computer firewall limits the data that can pass through it and protects a networked server or client machine from damage by unauthorized users. Firewalls can be either hardware or software-based. A router is a good example of a hardware device that has a built-in firewall. Most routers can be configured to limit traffic from certain IP addresses or block requests based on other criteria. Software programs that monitor and restrict external access to a computer or network can also serve as firewalls. A network firewall only allows authorized traffic from the Internet to flow in and out of the network.
Phishing – The act of sending an e-mail to a user falsely claiming to be an established legitimate enterprise in an attempt to scam the user into surrendering private information that will be used for identity theft.
Spambot - a program that is scripted for the purpose of mass sending spam (any type of unsollicited messages)

Malware - from the combination of the words ‘malicious’ and ’software’, and refers to any type of software written in order to provide undesired effects to a computer user, which may range from unsolicited advertisements, to damaging a computer system.

Spyware – refers to any type of software planted in a computer without the user knowing it, with a goal to intercept personal data, or even take control of a computer.
Virus - Like a biological virus, a computer virus is something you don’t want to get. Computer viruses are small programs or scripts that can negatively affect the health of your computer. These malicious little programs can create files, move files, erase files, consume your computer’s memory, and cause your computer not to function correctly. Some viruses can duplicate themselves, attach themselves to programs, and travel across networks. In fact opening an infected e-mail attachment is the most common way to get a virus.
Worm - Just like regular worms tunnel through dirt and soil, computer worms tunnel through your computer’s memory and hard drive. A computer worm is a type of virus that replicates itself, but does not alter any files on your machine. However, worms can still cause havoc by multiplying so many times that they take up all your computer’s available memory or hard disk space. If a worm consumes your memory, your computer will run very slowly and possibly even crash. If the worm affects your hard disk space, your computer will take a long time to access files and you will not be able to save or create new files until the worm has been eradicated.
Trojan - Trojan horses are software programs that masquerade as regular programs, such as games, disk utilities, and even antivirus programs. But if they are run, these programs can do malicious things to your computer. For example, a Trojan horse might appear to be a computer game, but once you double-click it, the program starts writing over certain parts of your hard drive, corrupting your data. While this is certainly something you want to avoid, it is good to know that these malicious programs are only dangerous if they are given a chance to run. Also, most antivirus programs can catch Trojan horses when scanning for viruses. Unlike viruses, however, Trojan horses don’t replicate themselves. Though it is possible for a Trojan horse to be attached to a virus file that spreads to multiple computers. Malware Spyware Virus Worm Trojan Viral payload Zombie Computer Intranet
Virus payload – A virus payload can be seen as the action part of a virus. Normally the user can’t see anything on monitor, sometimes user gets some visual effects on the screen. For example, displaying a dialog box with the words “Have a Good Day.”
Zombie Computer – A zombie computer, or “drone,” is a computer that has been secretly compromised by hacking tools which allow a third party to control the computer and its resources remotely. When the zombie computer connects to the Internet the remote hacker can clandestinely make contact with the computer to mine data from it or use it for any number of purposes. Communication between the hacker and the computer travels through back channels of the targeted system, keeping these processes hidden from the owner.
Intranet – A network based on TCP/IP protocols (an internet) belonging to an organization, usually a corporation, accessible only by the organization’s members, employees, or others with authorization. An intranet’s Web sites look and act just like any other Web sites, but the firewall surrounding an intranet fends off unauthorized access.

lexicon week 5

sexxualchoclate — Fri, 29 May 2009 07:04:02 +0000

Semantic web – an evolving extension of the World Wide Web in which the semantics of information and services on the web is defined, making it possible for the web to understand and satisfy the requests of people and machines to use the web content
Metadata – “data about other data”, of any sort in any media. An item of metadata may describe an individual datum, or content item, or a collection of data including multiple content items and hierarchical levels, for example a database schema. In data processing, metadata is definitional data that provides information about or documentation of other data managed within an application or environment. The term should be used with caution as all data is about something, and is therefore metadata.
API – application programming interface (API). set of routines, data structures, object classes and/or protocols provided by libraries and/or operating system services in order to support the building of applications.
Mash-up – to a new breed of Web-based applications created by hackers and programmers (typically on a volunteer basis) to mix at least two different services from disparate, and even competing, Web sites.
Scraping – refers to an application that processes the HTML of a Web page to extract data for manipulation such as converting the Web page to another format (i.e. HTML to WML).
Search Spiders/Bots – a program or automated script that browses the World Wide Web in a methodical, automated manner. Other less frequently used names for Web crawlers are ants, automatic indexers, bots, and worms.
SEO – Short for search engine optimization, the process of increasing the amount of visitors to a Web site by ranking high in the search results of a search engine.
Database – Often abbreviated DB. A collection of information organized in such a way that a computer program can quickly select desired pieces of data. You can think of a database as an electronic filing system.
“Web 2.0″ – the changing trends in the use of World Wide Web technology and web design that aim to enhance creativity, communications, secure information sharing, collaboration and functionality of the web. Web 2.0 concepts have led to the development and evolution of web-culture communities and hosted services, such as social-networking sites, video sharing sites, wikis, blogs, and folksonomies.
VOIP – Short for Voice over Internet Protocol, a category of hardware and software that enables people to use the Internet as the transmission medium for telephone calls by sending voice data in packets using IP rather.
Vlog - Short for Video Blog, to describe a blog that includes or consists of video clips.

lazyy dayy….ahhhhh

sexxualchoclate — Fri, 29 May 2009 07:02:28 +0000

well today was a very boring day but hey atleast i got to see her today its always worth it to see her. but then theres the feel like my parents love her more then they do me because they dont treat me the same way the do her. dont get me wrong i dont care that they do its just the whole fact of them treating her like shes like the kid they never had. and i hate it. i hate feeling second when shes here dont misunderstand the fact that they love her more theres nothing wrong with that i just feel like im not treated like an equal in my house. its like the last few days were bad enough because i had back pains since im an idiot and fell down the stairs. so i didnt sleep at all ive been pulling all nighters and i feel dead tired all the time and my parents know because ive tried being more open so they can understand whats been going on on my life. obviously it doesnt phase them because they say oh yeah you should rest…. like wtf okay understandable but when my gf loses sleep its like oh im so sorry to hear that hear let me massage your back my mom says…. i dont know what it is but it bothers me because in front of her i get a goodnight hug from my parents but when im home alone with them its usually me saying okay gnite like is that even fair…. i dont know whatever just another day but its all good time to sit oon the computer for hours on end again…

WOW….

sexxualchoclate — Fri, 29 May 2009 07:01:40 +0000

first thing in the fucking morning…so i get a call to wake up its her okie well ill get up in ten mins then i hear the downstairs door open oh wait its my mom taking the dogs for a walk. okie good i can sleep my back still hurts. well anyways i got a call from her and i missed it i didnt hear it i was fast asleep around 8:50. so i get a call from her around 10 asking if i’ve walked the dogs and if im going to come over to her house. uhmm…. is my reply i wake up and okie well dont you have school…..uhm okie well she didnt go fair enough then i tell her she should come here she tells me no my parents get home to early. okie then fine illl come there then she starts bitching and complaining about how long its going to take me and how typical it was for me not to pick up the phone and stay asleep. you know what im so fucking pissed right know well she says i just dont wanna talk right now im like fine thats okie il go but do you still want me to come over to your house and all i get from her is i dunt fucking care its up to you why would i invite you if i didnt want you to come….you know shit like that then i go to say well wtf how am i suppose to know and before i can finsh 3 words into what im saying i hear silence. wow great she hung up on my once again then i was like okie fine thats cool you know shes upset so i go and see that my moms outside cutting the grass i was like fine thats good then i can go see her then and no one will bitch so i take a quick 5 min shower then i messege her on blackberry messenger and ask her if she wants me to come….no reply wow how typical she can voice what she wants then just not have to listen to anything i say well what can i say i always feel as if im not important she sure shows it